My husband and I have been together since 2006. We got married almost 7 years ago. Everyone expected the pitter patter of tiny feet not long after the wedding bells stopped. I was 25 years old. I remember thinking, "What's the rush?"
Every time someone asked me the dreaded question "So, when are you going to have a baby?" or commented "You'll be next" if I so much as looked at a baby. I had to fight the urge to:
1. Smack them in the face
or
2. Tell them that it's none of their business.
It was as if everyone assumed that because we were now married, the only next logical step would be babies. Why?
1. Smack them in the face
or
2. Tell them that it's none of their business.
It was as if everyone assumed that because we were now married, the only next logical step would be babies. Why?
Having kids is an amazing experience but should it really be the epitome of our existence? I say this as I'm pregnant with my first child, who was very much planned and who will be loved, but looking back over the 7 years since my wedding I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing. In 7 years we travelled to the States 3 times, had numerous weekends away, made lots of lifelong friends from all over the world, went on road trips, went to concerts, started a university course, travelled to 6 European countries, visited the middle east, studied for a CELTA qualification to teach English, started a new life in Spain and volunteered as a teacher for a few weeks in Israel. All of these memories might have been near impossible with a baby. Again, the question I ask is "What's the rush?"
The bombardment of "When?" questions is guaranteed after tying the knot. Human nature you could say. You're born, you go to school, you start work, you get married/find a partner, you have babies, you have grand children, you retire, you die. Which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that... if that's what you want. Just because that's your life, doesn't mean that everyone else wants to fit into this rigid cycle. Every time someone asked me the dreaded questions, I wanted to shout back "So when are you going to get up off that sofa and do something more exciting or rewarding than your annual package holiday to Spain/Turkey/Greece?"
However, I understand that that wouldn't be very socially acceptable. (Yet constantly questioning people over when they should have kids IS socially acceptable, go figure) So... I just screamed it in my head.
However, I understand that that wouldn't be very socially acceptable. (Yet constantly questioning people over when they should have kids IS socially acceptable, go figure) So... I just screamed it in my head.
The other problem with these questions is that it's impossible to know what's actually happening in a persons life. Lots of my friends are going through or have gone through IVF, some have been successful, some haven't. Some have had multiple miscarriages and some have decided to give up. Some just do not want children. Which again, is perfectly fine, it's a choice.
Just because someone is childless, doesn't mean that they will be lonely in later life. In the same way, somebody with 5 children and multiple grandchildren may be carted off to an old people's home and forgotten about. Nothing is guaranteed.
After our pregnancy announcement came the comments of "Oh, you'll have to stop those holidays now with a baby", "Your life is going to definitely change" (No s**t Sherlock!) and of course, the most frequent, "You've got all this to come..."
Becoming parents is not something we've rushed into. We know each other extremely well, we know our life is going to be turned upside down and we know that it will not be easy. I'm a hormonal pregnant lady, so please forgive me, but we're in a better position than a lot of new parents. We both work from home, we live in a country with beautiful weather and a fantastic attitude to families and we're financially stable.
Life will undeniably change, it will be harder but it'll also be exciting. But why does the adventure have to stop? Sure, travelling on a train through Europe may be a little stressful with a teething, screaming baby. However, I don't want life to stop for my husband and I.
This baby is part of our life, not the end of our life. Life should be lived how you want to live it, not on a timescale or what is expected of you. It could all end tomorrow and if it does, I want to be able to say I lived it.
Now, I'm off to google inspiration for our first family trip...! ;)
Now, I'm off to google inspiration for our first family trip...! ;)
Brilliant Emma, well said.
ReplyDeleteLike you, after getting married we waited several years before deciding to “settle down” & start a family. Travelling with 2 children was sometimes challenging but our adventures both home & abroad are memories that will live with us all forever. Now in their mid-30s with children of their own, our girls are grateful that they were lucky enough to have travelled to amazing places, seen wonderful sights outside the norm and blame us for giving them the travel bug!
We applauded you both when you took the plunge many years ago, giving up your “safe” lives in the U.K. to experience the World, working & travelling together. We have enjoyed following you on your adventures and travels. So happy to hear your good news and looking forward to the next instalment of your life’s journey.
Jackie & Dave xx